Think Basis It's Good For Business

I’ve started to develop an allergic reaction to Twitter lately. Not everything about it, just some of the specific types of tweets that seem to be tainting our stream with the unwanted taste of urine and self-importance. Although most of us have been guilty of at least a few of these from time to time, it’s the habitual offenders I’m taking issue with. Overusing these 8 types of tweets is a quick way to get yourself classified in a group you might rather not be a part of.

1. The Validation Seeker

I like to call this the attention whore. It’s usually someone who thrives on having other people inquire about their life so they can tell everyone how great things are while simultaneously receiving that special little “I’m important” feeling. It would be just as easy for them to write the actual news, but doing that would take away from the extra attention they get when someone finally decides to indulge them and ask the question they’ve been desperately waiting for. Plus, it’s a good way for them to test who their “real” friends are, and who actually has a life of their own.

2. The Perpetual Victim

Rarely stemming from legitimate hardship, this style of tweet typically centers on something so trivial that the rest of us probably wouldn’t even give it a second thought. Things like long lines at Starbucks, slow service, or a disappointing meal aren’t nearly the tragedies some people make them out to be. Everyone’s entitled to a bit of complaining now and again, but sometimes you need to nut up a little bit and pick your battles.

3. The Existentialist

There’s a fine line between being thought provoking and being a douchebag that tries too hard. While there’s always a place for a well-quoted song lyric or literary passage, trying to dress these up as a showcase for your depth of thought and incredible insight is questionable at best. Just because you’re quoting Thoreau on a regular basis doesn’t mean you’ve found some deeper meaning that we’re all lacking. You’re not the only one who’s read Walden, and the fact that you’re also on Twitter tells us you couldn’t have found it that inspiring.

4. The Too Cool for School

There’s a huge difference between informing people of what you’re up to and bragging about how awesome you are. We get that we should be envious of your carefree lifestyle and VIP status, but the fact that you’re Tweeting about how you’re shopping for a Ferrari makes us wonder whether you’re not actually sitting at a stoplight in the backseat of your parent’s astro minivan. What’s the deal, are you trying to compensate for something?

5. The Negativismo

Named for the fictional superhero that incapacitates criminals simply by bumming them out, this person thrives on sucking the fun from people on a daily basis. Although slightly less annoying than the people whining about their own (often imagined) hardships, you can still rely on this joyless soul’s tweets to put a damper on even the best of moods. Sure, there are a lot of sad things going on in the world, but sometimes we want to forget all about those things with amusing pop culture references and comical video links. Thanks for keeping us grounded in despair.

6. The Baller

Seemingly breast fed on hip hop, despite growing up in a cozy suburban home, this user is tweeting at you straight from the hood. His updates consist mostly of over-the-top-trying-too-hard-ebonics that are barely discernible to even the most studied linguists. Although there’s nothing wrong with tossing around a bit of slang from time to time, The Baller operates on a completely different plain. Fortunately on Twitter it’s easy enough to ignore this confusingly chest-beating macho gibberish once you’ve pinpointed a repeat offender…now if we could just find a way to keep him from commenting on YouTube.

7. The Self Promoter

Usually someone with the word “guru” in their title, the shameless self promoter sees Twitter as their own personal medium for evangelizing their products and/or services. The updates usually consist of projects they’re working on, projects they plan to be working on, and the occasional update on projects they have recently accomplished. It’s like an RSS feed of minutia about a business you have no interest in learning more about. You can usually spot these people by the auto-DM you receive the moment you’re foolish enough to start following them.

8. The TMI-er

Taking the concept of micro blogging to embarrassing heights, this is the person who doesn’t understand where to draw the line between public and private. Just because you have the ability to tweet something while you’re sitting on the can doesn’t mean anyone wants to hear about your most recent contribution to the Regal Cinemas men’s room. It’s bad enough that there’s plenty of noise on Twitter as is, you don’t need to go around adding your flatulence to the mix.

Alright, this was going to be a different post entirely, but it looks like I’ll have to just save that for another day. Because, as I was killing time by perusing Digg’s upcoming entertainment section, I spotted this article sitting at the top: Web Designer Battles Hollywood Cookie Cutting

It didn’t sound particularly interesting, but since it had an astounding 389 diggs, and a suspiciously low 0 comments, my curiosity got the better of me and I had to see what was going on.

Upon clicking through I immediately went to see who was digging this submission, because 1) it’s basically just a screenplay pitch, and 2) 389 diggs is an assload for something in upcoming.

Well, by the time I clicked to see who was digging the story, it had jumped up again, and was now sitting at 390. But, as you can see from the screenshot, the people (or person) doing all the digging aren’t exactly the type you’d expect to be browsing around in upcoming looking for interesting stuff.

In fact, the majority of the accounts look a lot like this:

No avatar, just joined, and has dugg a total of one story.

So, I’m left wondering whether this might just be on its way to the record for most diggs without hitting the front page. Since I started writing this, the total has already made its way up to 460, and it doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. Also, the submission hasn’t even cracked 10 hours. I’m anxious to see where it’s at after 24 and if it continues to climb.

It’s hard to imagine this could possibly be promoted on the number of diggs alone, but it is definitely one of the more impressive spam attempts I’ve seen in a long time.

UPDATE: The submission appears to have capped out at 510 diggs and has now been officially buried.

In response to the upcoming, and sure to be awesome, launch of uSocial.net it seemed like a good idea to throw together a quick list of some things you might want to avoid when you decide to start spamming the crap out of Digg, Reddit, Propeller, and StumbleUpon.

For those of you who haven’t heard, there is a fantastic article on Eric Lander’s Blog talking about the December 1st launch of uSocial.net. The gist of the post is that uSocial.net will be providing their clients with paid votes, “enabling them to quickly and easily reach the front page of these sites and in turn, receive a flood of traffic.”

They even go on to brazenly mention that “we have already served tens of thousands of votes and as yet, not one of our users has reported to us their account has been closed.” In openly giving the finger to the Digg terms of service, uSocial has painted a target on not only their backs, but those of their clients as well.

In honor of uSocial.net, and Digg spammers everywhere, here’s a list of eight signs you haven’t really thought your strategy through.

1. You Submit Three Articles a Day From the Same Site

Sure you love your own content. Who doesn’t? But did you ever stop to think that maybe not every single post you write is worth submitting to Digg. Also, if you’ve already posted ninety articles from your Jonas Brothers Fan Site (laden with Adsense of course) what could possibly make you think that number ninety-one is headed straight to the front page?

2. Your Account Has the Same Number of Diggs as it Does Submissions:

This one speaks for itself, but I’m still stunned by the number of people who have over 100 submissions and have never actually dugg anything at all. You would think that an accidental errant click would have left them with at least one extra digg, but that would mean they were actually participating in the community rather than just trying to use it for shameless self-promotion.

3. The First Comment in Your Submission is Always Your Own

Commenting on your own story is sort of like complimenting yourself. It’s alright to make a self-deprecating comment if you notice a typo after the fact, but trying to boost your submission by being the first to say “wow, what a fascinating article” is kind of a douchey thing to do. Given that you submitted the article, I already assumed you liked it. You know what? Now I like it a little bit less. Nice job.

4. Your Shouts Begin With “I dugg yours…”

There are a few problems with this. One, your submission usually sucks, and two, I can quickly check to see if you’re even telling the truth. I’d say about 90% of the time you haven’t even dugg my submission, so don’t feed me this nonsense.

5. You Openly Brag About “Manipulating” Digg

As mentioned previously, if you’re smart enough to figure out a competitive advantage there are plenty of reasons why you might want to keep that to yourself and just STFU already. Nobody likes a braggart, especially the people you’re bragging about gaming.

6. Your Stories Are Buried Upon Hitting the Front Page

Wow, you were finally able to find enough friends to push your story to the front page. Now you actually need to have something that is decent enough to hold the attention of people who aren’t on your payroll. Spamming for votes can only carry you so far, but if your story sucks it probably isn’t going to last too long once it actually gets in front of a neutral audience.

7. You Have More Accounts Than Popular Stories

This one seems pretty baffling since you’re basically assuming that Digg will be unable to figure out that your multiple accounts (which always digg the same stories and sometimes come from the same IP) might be a little suspicious. Also, at least take the extra ninety seconds to add an avatar to your account. It might not make it legit, but at least it seems like you’re trying.

8. Treating the Community Like it’s Stupid

Probably the biggest offense of all is thinking that the Digg community as a whole will put up with you trying to force feed them bad content. If uSocial had any respect for the communities they were trying to game then they would have been afraid to come out and say they were buying votes. By being outed before they even start, uSocial.net has provided every reason for diggers to keep an eye out for anything unusual, and for the community to police itself and maintain some quality control on what type of stories are being promoted.

Here’s to hoping that uSocial.net has a fantastic launch on December 1st and is finished before the new year!